There is an interesting thread over at the RooshV forums about confidence. Check it out here.
The original poster asks how the many successful gamesmen over there have achieved confidence with women. There is a difference of opinions with some saying "approach approach approach" and others saying "it's all an inner issue, one that you need to personally bandage."
I think all of these are inherently wrong. Not that they don't bring about confidence, but that they approach the problem from the wrong direction.
General confidence is default. Every human being is born generally confident in this world. Newborns are not insecure.
If you are not confident, it is only because your confidence has been suppressed -- stifled by the culture and conditioning that has affected you throughout life.
You must realize that confidence is not something you "get" but something you "realize." With the turn of a mental switch, you could be a rock-star.
Now, what's a pretty solid way to realize it? Force it. That's why the advice to "approach" a million women is so effective and pervasive in the community -- because it works. It takes a lot of effort and will power, but you will soon come to realize that you are, in fact, confident.
But is this confident something you truly "attained?" Or is this something that you have merely actualized.
Is this confidence something that you have achieved? Or have you become un-stifled.
This might seem like an argument of semantics on the surface, but with a deeper look we can see that their are differences in their approaches.
If you believe confidence is something to be attained, you will look for it externally. Things in this world will become the source of your ability to be confident. You will anchor your confidence on things without you, rather than within.
I.E. You approach 500 women. You become "confident." After awhile, you have a pretty bad dry spell, a losing streak. You question yourself "am I truly confident?" If you suddenly lose the external source of your confidence, you will lose your confidence altogether.
If you believe confidence is default, you will try to awaken it internally. You will come to understand that you are inherently valuable and strong, which does not allow for foreign winds to shake you. Note: This sounds like a fucking fortune cookie.
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I find this to be a difficult concept to express through words. I would love to hear a comment or two from readers if you understand this, or if you want me to try to elaborate further.
thats all well and good...but how does a sexually frustrated guy like myself, completely unhappy with my current situation in life "awaken" his confidence?
ReplyDeleteFirst, I would recommend watching The Blueprint Decoded (http://www.blueprintdecoded.com/). I found that to be one of the most influential things I ever consumed. It is expensive though so you could find other means of watching it... ahem...
ReplyDeleteYou have to learn to trust yourself and that you have value. You really have to learn this. Once you fully come to terms with it, you'll have a mental click.
If you don't already, start lifting weights. Doing squats is the fastest way to feel like a badass.
Second, find a project. Write a book or build something. Doing this gives you a sense of worth. I know personally the feeling of creation makes me feel valuable.
Thirdly, you could try approaching 500 girls. Yea, I know I said this is "external," but you could use this same approach (pun intended) to build yourself up. Think of each rejection and success as peeling away the skin covering your inner confidence. That way, when it "awakens" it will remain even if things go sour.
That's general advice, if you want me to tell you more specific information I'll need more specific information. You can e-mail if you want.
Note: I think I might just add this to the post.